Phantom Me

Let me introduce you to the woman I wish I were:


She joyfully wakes up every morning with a smile on her face, singing the "morning's here" song. She has amazing hair, flawless skin, and a wardrobe full of cool and unique clothes. She loves V8, is disgusted by foods like fries and doughnuts, and does yoga or P90X. She has some awesome lucrative skill that allows her to work part time while raking in big bucks. She doesn't like TV, loves to read books, and cooks healthy and delicious meals for her husband every day. She never has dirty dishes in the sink. She always speaks kindly to her husband & never loses her temper. She boldly shares the gospel & people always accept Christ. She reads her Bible every day and prays fervently for all her friends, family, governing officials & lost celebrities.


I realize in my head that this woman is a phantom, an unreachable image of perfection, but in my heart, I am constantly comparing myself to her and beating myself up in all the ways I fall short of this standard. The truth is that this woman could never exist!  Yet somehow I have convinced myself I'm the only one in the world who doesn't measure up.


This is the real me:


I am an angry troll when I first wake up every single day.  I hate exercising, love fatty foods, and have not now nor will I ever drink a V8. I work 40 hours a week to make average money, and have no lucrative skills. I am selfish in my marriage often, constantly have dirty dishes in my sink, & I'd so much rather watch TV than read.  I am terrified to share my faith with people, and on a good week I'll read my Bible 2-3 times & sometimes forget to pray to God all day.


I am not & will never be perfect- And that is OK! God has made me who I am, and has given me gifts and talents, but I can't expect myself to be good at everything.  I can only expect myself to be a good steward of the gifts God has given me. This unrealistic standard I hold for myself distracts me from worshiping God by taking my focus off of Christ and His work in my life, and onto myself.  I don't have to be perfect because Christ was perfect for me & He continues to work in me to make me more like Him. It's not up to me at all! How freeing is that!


But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:9-10